


Tipping Point

by germanjj



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Cheating, Coda, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-01-21 22:59:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1567136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/germanjj/pseuds/germanjj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven days after Mike left Pearson Specter, he's visiting Harvey at the office.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> something I needed to get out of my head on on virtual paper. please excuse any mistakes, this is not beta'd and I'm not a native speaker. might turn into a real story

The elevator stops and when the doors slide open, it's quiet. The lights are off and the room is tinged in the blueish glow of the screensavers everyone working at Pearson Specter is using. Well, everyone except Donna. It shouldn't amuse Mike as much as it does when he passes her desk. But it's been a week since he has last seen her and she's high up a very long list of things he misses already. 

Harvey's screensaver's on too. But so is his desk lamp and his record player, the volume so low, Mike can barely make out the song.

Harvey's sitting on his couch, holding a glass of what is most likely Scotch. He looks up when he hears Mike walking closer. 

"Hey." Mike closes the glass door behind himself and suddenly he feels foolish to be here. To not have called the last seven days. To not have called tonight to see if Harvey would even be in the office this late. To have said "hey" instead of something witty.

"Hey," Harvey says back and Mike feels foolish that he can't tell if Harvey's even happy to see him.

Mike walks over to the window, his back turned with the lights of New York glistening beneath him. He watches Harvey's reflection in the glass.

"How was your first week?" Harvey finally asks, leaning forward and placing his glass on the table. He almost sounds sincere. 

"Good." Mike nods. "Tough. Lot to learn." He turns around, catching Harvey's eyes. "I think yesterday was the first time I got home before Rachel was sleeping."

Harvey breaks the eye contact and smiles. "That's why you didn't call, huh?"

_You didn't either_ , Mike wants to say but he keeps his mouth shut, because ever since he stepped out of that elevator, he feels weird. Itchy. Out of breath.

"Here?" He asks, gesturing at the room.

Harvey looks up, purses his lips. It's one of his tells but Mike can't remember what for. "Good." He shrugs his shoulders. "The usual. You know, Jessica keeping everyone on edge, Louis being a pain in the ass. You know."

Mike nods. He does know. And by God he misses it all so much.

They both fall silent. Looking at each other, neither seems to have something else to say. Mike can feel his heart beating oddly in his chest and wonders if he destroyed everything by leaving. Their dynamic is gone, something off about them, and Mike doesn't know what to do about it.

He shuffles his feet, his gaze wandering through the room.

Harvey clears his throat and gets off his couch. "Look, I should get going. And you," he points at Mike and for a moment there's a Harvey Specter smile in there somewhere," should probably head home to your girlfriend."

Mike snorts and ducks his head. "Yeah, you're probably right." He pushes the sudden feeling of guilt deep in the back of his mind.

He waits for Harvey turning off the light and the player and then follows him back out of his office. 

"How's Donna?" Mike asks just to say something. 

"She's Donna," is Harvey's reply and Mike laughs out loud. It loosens something in his chest but it doesn't make the weird feeling go away. Instead it’s rising inside his belly, making his hands tingle and throat dry.

The doors of the elevator open again and light floods the room. Harvey enters first, turning around as if to see if Mike was following, and for a moment Mike hesitates. As if there is a decision to be made more important than just stepping into that elevator. 

Mike follows.

Harvey presses the button for the ground floor and the doors close. 

It's on the third floor when Harvey pushes the stop button.

Mike's eyes fly up to him, but Harvey's looking to the ground, his brows furrowed.

"Harvey?" Mike says and the word barely makes it past the lump in his throat. 

Harvey doesn’t answer. In fact, he doesn’t react at all, doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move. Mike watches him hesitate, his hands balled to fists and he face scrunched up as if he is trying to make a decision.

“Harvey?” Mike asks again, more desperate this time. 

Harvey pushes another button and with a soft sound the elevator starts moving again and comes to a halt at the ground floor.

They leave in silence. Mike walks a few steps behind Harvey, his eyes following the man’s every move, as if they way he walked would give away what the hell just happened inside that elevator.

Mike gets nothing. And before he’s ready, Mike sees Ray step out of the car parked up front and opening the door for Harvey to get in. 

Mike greets him with a quick nod. “See you soon, then,” he says to Harvey and can’t quite keep the pain out of his voice.

Ten minutes. After one week of absolutely nothing they didn’t even make it to ten minutes.

“Yeah, you too.” Harvey doesn’t look at him. He does this half smile of his where he doesn’t really look up and doesn’t really smile at all and Mike is desperate to be able to read off it what the hell is going on inside the head of the person he considered his best friend up until ten minutes ago.

“Okay,” Mike nods but doesn’t move. He can’t take his eyes off Harvey.

“Okay,” Harvey echoes him and it should be funny, it would be funny to Mike if it didn’t hurt this goddamn much.

“Mr Specter,” Ray calls politely from the back and that seems to wake Harvey up. He turns his head to nod and then turns back, his eyes meeting Mike’s this time.

There’s a pause, a moment of hesitation where Mike knows exactly what’s going to happen, only knows it but doesn’t process it yet, and then Harvey takes the step, reaches for Mike, his hands flying up to Mike’s face and then Harvey’s kissing him.

He’s kissing him.

It’s quick and intense, barely a real kiss, more a touching of lips against lips, but it’s Harvey and it’s Mike and Mike’s head is completely empty for the first time since… well, since a very long time ago.

Harvey breaks the kiss but doesn’t move away. His hands are still tilting up Mike’s head, just a little, just enough. 

Mike watches Harvey’s eyes flutter open and they share a quick glance, shock thick between them, and then Harvey casts his eyes down, clenching his jaw and whispering “Fuck,” and Mike can feel the breath of the word touching his lips.

Mike releases a breath of his own and it’s shaky and thin, but it wakes him up a little. His left hand finds Harvey’s wrist and he’s holding on to him as if he wouldn’t be able to stand up otherwise.

He can’t look at him. They must look stupid together, two men staring to the ground, holding on to each other for dear life. But Mike doesn’t dare to look up, doesn’t know what he is supposed to do once this moment is over. 

He doesn’t need to see Harvey to know the other man is feeling exactly the same.

But of course the moment ends.

It’s when Harvey’s thump makes this small caress against Mike’s cheek, this tiny movement, and then Harvey pulls his hands away and steps back as if he’d been burned.

They look at each other now. Mike staring up with his mouth gaping open and Harvey just seems completely crushed, his eyes huge and his skin pale. 

Then Harvey composes himself, straightens, biting his lip before he meets Mike’s head on. “I am,” he pauses, swallowing thickly,” so sorry, Mike. I’m so sorry.”

He doesn’t wait for a reply, turning on his heels and vanishing inside his car before Mike can say anything back.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey calls. In the middle of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so I guess I'm doing this? 
> 
> set vaguely after 4.01

It’s 2:34 when his cellphone rings. Mike turns his head to grab the phone and he can see the number on the clock glowing in the dark. 

He picks up the second he registers the name flickering on the screen. “Harvey? Are you okay?” Mike asks and his voice is hoarse from sleeping.

“Yeah,” comes the answer. And then “No.” Harvey sounds far away, quiet.

Mike sits up in his bed and turns on the light on his nightstand. “What’s wrong?” 

“Is Rachel next to you?”

“No.” Mike swallows, his throat suddenly tight. “But you knew that, didn’t you?” he adds as an afterthought. He’s pretty sure Harvey never would have called him this late if he didn’t, no matter how drunk Mike suspects him to be right now.

There’s no answer on the other end of the line. Mike can hear Harvey breathing and he pictures him sitting on his couch, a glass in one hand and the phone in the other, staring out of the window without seeing anything at all.

“Harvey, what’s wrong?” He asks again, worry creeping into his tone.

“Is this how it’s going to be between us?” 

Mike pauses, Harvey’s words hitting him hard. “I guess?” He doesn’t really know what to say. They’ve always been competitive, always pushing each other to do more, get more, be more. They’re just not longer in the same boat.

“Harvey, it’s my job,” Mike starts. He gets restless, looking for the right words to make Harvey understand, so he gets out of bed and walks over to the kitchen, switching on another light on his way.

“And it’s only my job”, he continues. “It’s nothing personal, Harvey, and you know that. And I know that you want me to be good at it.”

He gets the water bottle from the fridge and a glass from the cupboard. Walking over to the kitchen table, he waits for Harvey’s reply.

It doesn’t come at first.

Mike empties the glass of water and gets up again, pacing aimlessly through the apartment.

He knows how Harvey gets sometimes. He knows that now and then Harvey falls deep into himself, struggling to get out of his own thoughts. He knows that The Great Harvey Specter sometimes doubts himself. It’s rare but Mike’s witnessed it before.

But before it had never been about Mike.

“It’s not what I meant,” Harvey says after a while. It’s low, Mike has trouble making out the words, but it’s making something in his belly flip nonetheless.

“What did you mean?” It comes out as a whisper and Mike knows well enough what Harvey meant. He just doesn’t know if he wants to have that conversation, if he’s ready for it yet.

He’s by the bedroom window and he’s leaning his forehead against the glass to cool off his skin that suddenly feels too hot, too tight. He closes his eyes and the only sensation he feels is the coolness against his face and Harvey’s voice in his ear.

“I never … I never apologized for what I did that night,” Harvey says.

“You did. But you don’t have to apologize.”

Three months and they never breathed a word of it. Mike wonders what exactly has happened tonight that made Harvey reach for the glass of Whiskey or Scotch or Wine, that made him dial Mike’s number. 

Something Mike had done? Something Donna had said?

He wishes he could ask Donna, find out so he could fix it. But even if there’s only a small chance that Donna doesn’t already know about everything that happened, he can’t take it. 

Mike clenches his teeth, pressing harder against the glass. It’s like he’s trying to protect something far more intimate between him and Harvey than a simple kiss.

“You don’t have to apologize and you don’t have to explain, Harvey. It happened. Let’s just … move on, okay?”

It’s quit on the other end of the line. Mike listens to Harvey’s breathing but after a while, he wonders if he’s imagining it, if Harvey’s long gone. Leaving the phone on the table and Mike alone to deal with _it_ after dragging it out in the open like buried secret.

“I should go,” come the harsh words a minute later and Mike flinches at the sudden noise.

“No, wait, Harvey!” Heat is rising up Mike’s neck, panic and guilt, and his stomach is rapidly turning into knots. He can't help but feel as if he said something wrong although he can't say anything different.

“Wait, I didn’t… I don’t know what to say,” he breathes, the words forming a fog against the window.

“The truth, Mike.” There’s anger seeping through his words and it spurs Mike on, let’s his blood pump fast through his veins, because anger is good. Anger is better than agony.

“You want my truth?” He asks. “What about you giving me yours for a change?” Mike still has his eyes closed and he’s picturing Harvey now, can clearly see his friend’s mouth turning into a thin, stubborn line.

Because Harvey Specter might be everything but he’s rarely truthful. Not when it comes to what he feels and not when it comes to himself.

“You really wanna know?” Harvey spits out. “Well, I’m scared shitless, Mike! I’m scared that I ruined the best friendship I ever had with some stupid shit I did. I’m scared that with you gone, I’m gonna realize that I depended on you more than I ever should have. I’m scared that with you gone, you’ll have an easy time getting rid of me.”

Mike’s throat is dry, his heart jackhammering against his ribs. “Harvey,” he whispers, sure that Harvey can’t even hear him right now.

“In one night,” Harvey continues, sounding more sober with every word, “Scottie left me and you left me. I don’t know about you, Mike, but I think that’s a pretty easy pattern to understand, don’t you think?

He pauses, swallows, his voice getting lower. “And I don’t … no matter how hard I try I can’t make myself regret that goddamn kiss.”

It’s silent after. It’s as if Harvey has poured out so much of himself that there’s nothing left to say. 

Mike opens his eyes against the window, can see a blurry reflection of himself.

“You want my truth?” He whispers. “Okay you can have it.” 

His tongue feels thick in his mouth, sluggish, unused to the words forming in his mind. He hasn’t said them out loud before, has barely even let himself think them. But Harvey had opened himself up so much that Mike doesn’t dare closing him off right now.

“When you kissed me that night,” the words send a shiver down his spine, “I had this thought in my head.”

His reflection blinks, staring up at him, but it doesn’t do anything to stop him from saying what he needs to say. “I thought: So _this_ is what it is between us.”


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set right after 4.02 "Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner"

Rachel’s hand lies soft in his own, trusting. They’re making their way to the elevators and Mike can’t wait to go home with her. Escape this office, this building and everything reminding him of Harvey. 

Although she’ll be most likely working on something _against_ Mike they’re going to be home and together and alone. 

Mike hopes he’ll be able to find some peace of mind once he can get away from all these things triggering this rollercoaster of emotions. It doesn’t stop. Ever since that night he talked to Harvey on the phone he can’t get the voices inside his head to stay quiet. As if he had opened a box he can’t get shut, no matter how hard he tries.

They step into the elevator, turning around, Mike smiling down at Rachel and stroking the back of her hand with his thump. When he looks up, he can see Harvey down the hall.

Looking at them, his gaze falling on their joint hands.

Mike has to fight the urge to pull his hand away.

“Night, Harvey,” Rachel calls over to him and Harvey nods and waves, and then the door of the elevator closes and Mike can’t see him anymore.

They’re three steps out of the building when Rachel suddenly stops and starts to laugh.

“What?”

“My bag. I forgot my bag,” she says, gesturing at the folders and the phone she carries tucked against her chest.

So eager to get away, they both didn’t even realize she wasn’t carrying her bag.

“I got it,” Mike laughs, planting a quick kiss against her forehead and then taking off back into the building. He doesn't listen to the small voice mocking him for taking the first chance to go back he got.

 

He finds the bag easily in Rachel’s office, sitting at the usual place next to her desk, and he grabs it quickly, turning around to leave again.

Harvey is suddenly there, waiting for him, leaning against the doorframe. “Forgot something?”

Mike stops in his tracks. He lifts Rachel’s bag up, showing it to Harvey as an explanation, but he can see Harvey’s not even looking. 

He’s looking at Mike, his gaze unreadable.

“I’m proud of you, you know?” Harvey says eventually and Mike is taken aback, the words hitting him harder than he thought possible.

“For what?”

“The way you handled Walter Gillis.”

Mike snorts weakly. “I’m not even sure if I can be proud of myself for that.”

“You’ve done your job, Mike,” Harvey says, taking a few steps towards him, closing the distance until Mike can smell his cologne. Mike doesn't remember ever noticing Harvey's cologne before. “You’ve done something you wouldn’t have been able to do a few weeks ago.”

“Selling out a client?”

Harvey tilts his head, studying Mike. “You didn’t sell him out. You made the right choice when you only had crappy options. You done good, kid.”

A small smile forces itself on Mike’s lips. “Thank you.”

Silence sneaks between them. It’s comfortable this time, not charged with emotion and … whatever it was that had been stealing Mike’s air back then.

It's already dark outside, most lights turned off inside too, and they're alone as far as Mike can tell. They're both half hidden in shadows, standing only a step apart, neither of them saying anything. It's intimate. It's familiar.

If at all, the quitness is bittersweet. Mike can easily read the mixture of pride and sadness on Harvey’s face and later, it will keep him awake. Later, he will think about how much he misses Harvey’s real smile, his honest laugh.

But now, for a precious small minute, they’re content looking at each other in silence, sharing this moment.

“I should,” Mike is the first to speak again, “I should go. Rachel’s waiting.”

Harvey nods and takes a step back and Mike can’t help but think that it was Rachel’s name who put the sudden distance between them.

_As it should_ , the small voice bites at him.

“Good night,” Mike offers, smiling as genuinely as he can.

“Good night,” he get’s a smile in return.

Mike leaves the office, not noticing the figure hiding around the corner.

 

“How long have you been sleeping with Mike Ross?” 

Harvey almost loses his balance. “Donna!” he swears, taking a deep breath. He’s back in his own office, ready to shut everything down and call it a night. He didn’t expect Donna to still be here.

“How long?” she asks and everything about her screams anger and disappointment. She closes the door behind her although they’re probably the only ones left on this floor.

“Donna, I’m not sleeping with Mike,” Harvey answers as calmly as possible. But he can’t meet her eyes.

“Does Rachel know? Oh my god, _Rachel_.” He watches her sit down on the other side of his desk, her face a shade paler than it was before. She’s not meeting his eyes either.

“I _am_ losing my edge. How could I not have seen that?”

Harvey groans, his own patience worn thin today already. He takes his own seat. “Donna, stop it. Look at me.” He waits until she does. “I’m not sleeping with Mike.”

Donne tilts her head, her lips forming a thin line, and Harvey’s pretty sure that she can see right through him. Like she always can. 

He doesn’t give in, doesn’t let him think about his words, doesn’t picture what Donna is accusing him of. He knows she would be able to read it all on his face. 

“Don’t make me choose, Harvey,” Donna pleads and her voice is low now, private. Harvey swallows heavily.

“Rachel is my friend,” she takes a deep breath, looking down at her folded hands and frowns,” but you have been in love with Mike longer than they are dating.”

“What?” Harvey freezes.

“Harvey, come on.” Donna gives him a look.

“I didn’t know,” he says, more to himself than to her. “I didn’t know until...” He stops, getting close to speak out loud what he's only realizing himself right now. Harvey closes his eyes briefly, fighting against the onslaught of excitement and fear making his stomach churn. 

“Until what?” 

Harvey meets her eyes, biting the inside of his lower lip. “Until I kissed him.”

It’s almost comical how her eyes grow wide and her hand flies up to cover her mouth immediately. But Harvey doesn’t feel like laughing. 

“And Mike?” She asks.

Harvey can’t answer. 

“Harvey, how did Mike react?” Donna insists. 

“Well, he didn’t punch me in the face and he’s still talking to me like a normal person, so I call that a win, okay?” He spits out and he knows he’s being unfair, that Donna doesn’t deserve his tone. 

But frustration is settling inside him and he can’t get Mike’s voice out of his head, his words from that night dancing inside his mind, taunting him.

_“So this is what it is between us.”_

“Harvey.”

Harvey clenches his teeth. The last thing he wants from Donna is pity.

“Is that all?” 

Donna understands it as the dismissal that it is. She stands up. “I’m sorry, Harvey.”

He can see how torn she is. Her love for him and her friendship with Rachel both tearing at her. 

“Donna I …,” Harvey pauses, trying to find the right words. “There’s nothing to worry about. It was a stupid thing and I’m not going to risk Mike’s friendship. Or yours. I’m not gonna make you choose. I’m not gonna do anything about it.” 

He’s grateful that Donna keeps her pity to herself this time although he can clearly read it on her face. It's scary how much of her reaction tells Harvey what he should feel. How much better Donna knows him than he sometimes knows himself.

She takes a deep breath, obviously making a decision and then she’s all cheerful Donna again, saying “Don’t stay too long,” and giving him a small smile and a wink, and Harvey watches her leave his office.

He keeps sitting at his desk for a long time, lost in thoughts, fighting against Mike's voice in his ears and the image of Donna's breaking heart for him inside his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna draw this out as long as I can and I'm gonna try to stay as close to canon as I can. Which also means I'll have to wait for the next episode to write the next chapter.
> 
> Thanks for everyone reading and being patient with me! 
> 
> (also, sorry for the mistakes. English is not my native language and this story is not beta'd)


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What else happened in 4.03.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> set during 4.03 "Two in the Knees"

“I’m a Harvey fan.” 

Mike turns his head to Donna. “So am I. And that’s why I’m giving it my best.” Mike gets up, gives Donna a kiss on her head. “Thanks for the coffee.”

“You’re welcome.” 

He’s a few steps away before Donna speaks again. “Oh, and Mike… “ 

He turns back, registers the look on her face and his stomach plummets.

“He… Harvey, he…” 

“He told you.” 

Donna looks guilty, she’s biting her lip, and Mike takes a step back towards her. 

“I found out. And then he told me.” 

Mike clears his throat. “It’s nothing.” 

“Isn’t it?” 

She’s hitting a point, but Mike pushes that feeling down immediately, doesn’t even give it enough time to form an opinion about that. “What do you want me to say?” 

She looks him right in the eyes, but she hesitates as if she doesn’t want to know the answer to the questions that’s lingering in her mind. “Does Rachel know?” 

Mike groans inwardly, taking a deep breath. “No. It didn’t mean anything, why should I tell her?” 

“If it didn’t mean anything, why wouldn’t you?” 

“Because they have to work together, Donna!” Mike hisses, trying to keep his voice down. “How do you think Rachel would react knowing … that?”

Donna’s face tells him exactly how she’s looking right through him. “Is that really your reason?”

“Donna.” 

Donna sighs. “Look Mike, all I’m saying is that Harvey really cares for you. And you’ve known that long before he did what he did. Please, always remember that.” 

Mike doesn’t know what to say to that. He knows that Donna is only trying to protect Harvey, that she’s suffering with him every step of the way when something is wrong. But for Mike, there’s no decision to be made here. 

Donna touches his hand lightly, looking up to him with a small honest and worried smile. “I just don’t wanna see either of you getting hurt in all this.”

\-- // --

Before his inner eye, Mike has images of Rachel lying in their bed, sleeping peacefully. Her face exhausted but content, her body curled towards him, trusting.

He had waited for her, confronted her about her disposition, about Rachel’s lie he had found when all he was looking for was dirt on Logan Sanders. They had talked, had made up and Mike had believed her. Had wanted to believe her. They’d gone to bed. 

She had slept while Mike had not been able to calm down enough to do the same. Rage had been mixing with betrayal, with mistrust and disappointment, eating at him like waves crashing against the shore. 

It was Rachel’s face mocking him, and then it was Harvey’s. 

Now it’s Mike’s own guilt, Mike’s own feeling of betrayal, that pools low in his stomach. But it doesn’t stop him from rounding the last corner and stopping in front of Harvey’s door. 

It takes a while until he hears the sound of someone walking up to it, but given it is almost three o’clock in the morning, Mike waits patiently. 

“Mike, go home,” are Harvey’s immediate words. But he’s still wearing dress pants and a t-shirt; he hasn’t been able to sleep either. 

“No.” Mike presses himself into the apartment, past Harvey, past the door being almost shut in his face. 

“Mike, I’m serious, it’s late, you’ve been drinking and you hate me right now. How do you think this is gonna go?” 

Mike takes a few steps into the room, his eyes never leaving Harvey’s face. The guilt mixes with restlessness now. “Maybe we should solve this, once and for all.” 

It sounds like a threat even in his own ears, but he’s unable to take it back, unable to un-mean it. The thought is there, right in front of his mind and he couldn’t shake it off the whole night, can’t shake it off now. 

Harvey frowns. “What the hell do you mean by that?” 

“I mean this.” It’s three steps between Harvey and him, three quick decisions Mike keeps on making until he’s reached him, until he grabs him right by his face and pulls him down, kissing him hard on the mouth. 

The contact freezes him for a second, shocking and surprising and overwhelming like that last time. Like this isn’t just a kiss, like this isn’t just someone he’s kissing. 

The hesitation only takes a second, a deep intake of breath on both sides, and then Mike tilts his head just slightly, pushes closer, and they’re doing it right this time. 

Harvey makes a sound that vibrates through Mike’s whole body and he opens up to him immediately. He’s welcoming, soft and hard, the way they melt into each other, crash against each other. 

There’s anger there too, Mike can feel it in both of them as if they’re connected in more ways than just lips against lips, tongue against tongue.

Harvey’s right hand has found it’s way against Mike’s neck and the back of his head and Mike’s groaning at the touch, can’t help it. He feels Harvey’s left hand against the small of his back, pulling him closer, and Mike follows willingly.

It’s not at all like kissing a woman. Harvey’s rougher, stronger. Mike gets a rush out of having to tilt his head up slightly, of the light stubble rubbing against his skin, of the strong, muscled body beneath his hands. 

They kiss like it’s going on the big screen and Mike can’t think past the taste of Harvey, nothing he could describe, but intoxicating nonetheless, can’t think past the feel of him. 

Mike’s breathing hard through his nose, air rapidly becoming a problem, but every time he pulls away Harvey’s chasing after him, pulling him right back in. 

Mike will deny it later, will blame it on alcohol and anger and the middle of the night, but this is the moment Mike gets addicted to kissing Harvey. 

He manages to pull back eventually. He doesn’t know how much time has passed, but his anger hasn’t faded, just shifted, and he can’t take the eyes off Harvey’s kiss swollen lips. Can’t take his mind off the knowledge that he did that.

Heavy silence vibrates between them, only their rapid breathing filling the space for a moment.

“So you feel like anything is solved now?” Harvey’s gruff voice takes him right back to where they started this day. 

“Why are you doing this to me, Harvey?” he asks, and he is still out of breath, the words being pushed out of his throat. 

Harvey throws his hands up. “Doing what? I’m doing my goddamn job! Just like you!” 

“No, this is personal, you are making it personal.” He points a finger at Harvey, his hand shaking.

“I told you, I was trying to protect you! I’m always trying to goddamn protect you and this is what I get?” Harvey’s tone pierces right through Mike, but all he can hear is the self-righteousness in Harvey’s words.

“I left Pearson Specter so you don’t have to protect me! I left so I can have a future and not look over my shoulder for every goddamn second. And I’m sorry that I didn’t go to some god forsaken city no one has ever heard of, because I happen to value the relationships I built in this city. I happen to value what _we_ had. I left to protect all of us! But instead of thanking me, you’re throwing a fit like a goddamn jealous boyfriend!”

Mike knows it’s the wrong thing to say. He knows it when Harvey’s whole posture changes and his face hardens, but he doesn’t care.

“Fuck off.” Harvey’s voice is cold. He doesn’t move at all, only stares at Mike with empty eyes.

“ _You’re nothing without me_?” Mike quotes and he doesn’t care that he can’t keep the pain out of his voice when he says it. It did hurt. It still does.

Harvey’s eyes fall to the floor. “ _That’s why I left_?” He looks back up, their eyes meeting and Mike is looking right into a mirror.

“Go.” Harvey walks up to the front door, opening it all the way. “I mean it. You better be out that goddamn door.”


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the world comes crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> set during 4.05 "Pound Of Flesh"
> 
> The only thing bothering me about this show is that if one of them was female, we would have a romantic plot between them already.

It's probably the best panna cotta he's ever had but there's only a stale taste in Mike's mouth. He glances over to Harvey, across the table, and watches him finish his crème brûlée and he doesn't look like he's feeling any different than Mike.

It was a tough day, with Rachel in the hospital and all that. Hell, it's been a tough few last months and all of Mike's relationships just seem to go downhill every time he gets up in the morning. 

Harvey looks up and catches Mike watching him. He doesn't say anything, keeping a serious expression on his face, but then he licks his lips and Mike wonders if it's from the dessert or if he's doing it on purpose.

"Excuse me for a minute," Harvey's deep voice rolls through the shared silence between them, slipping right under Mike’s skin and then he's standing up, putting his napkin on the table. "Be right back."

Mike watches him leave, leaning back in his seat, taking a heavy breath. It hurts, that breath. Instead of relieving the burden on his shoulders, it's only weighing him down more, like the air is bursting with more of this confusion, of all these mixed up emotions, and it's filling him up more and more with every breath he takes. Until eventually, it’ll suffocate him.

 

Mike opens the door to the restroom just as Harvey is washing his hands. He looks up when Mike enters, brows furrowed. "Everything okay?" he asks, reaching for a towel.

Mike closes the door behind him, leaning against it as it falls shut. There's a key in the lock and Mike finds it with his right hand. Harvey's gaze follows his every move as Mike turns it.

He sees something flicker over Harvey's face. Confusion mostly, fear, hope. They're in a public restroom in one of the better restaurants in the city but Mike needs this, needs the opportunity to shut the world out for just five minutes.

"Mike?" Harvey asks warily, throwing the towel into the wooden basket under the sink.

Mike doesn't have anything to say. Or he has everything to say and it's so much, so overwhelming, that he doesn't know what to say first.

"I'm screwing it all up, aren't I?” he asks, his voice already betraying him. "My job, my girlfriend, all my relationships."

Harvey stays silent but the look on his face tells Mike everything. They're in this mess together, Harvey just as responsible as Mike. He's in no position to make anything better.

"I miss you," Mike confesses under his breath, and still the words seem to bounce off the walls, to echo between them so the whole world will eventually hear them. "I miss this, us, having lunch, joking, talking about daily stuff. Unimportant stuff."

Harvey's eyes fall to the floor.

"Now every time we meet we start fighting. Every time it's you against me and I can't stand it anymore, Harvey. I don't know how to do that anymore."

"I don't know what you want me to say," Harvey says, his voice low, defeated.

Mike just shakes his head and closes his eyes, lets himself rest against the door.

There's nothing to say.

"Hey," Harvey whispers and he's suddenly closer. 

Mike can feel the hesitation radiate off of the other man but he doesn't open his eyes, just waits. His heart is beating a slow rhythm. This is nothing sexual, Harvey's not gonna kiss him. This is something else. And later, Mike will find out how this is throwing him off a lot more than Harvey's kiss ever did.

First, he feels a hand cautiously touching his face. It's warm and soft, but bigger than Rachel's, stronger. Mike doesn't move away.

Then he feels Harvey's lips against his forehead and it loosens something inside Mike's chest, a breath leaving him, letting some of the poison out. 

Harvey's movements are careful, his lips just a soft touch until he brings their faces together, cheek against cheek, as if all the words have left The Great Harvey Specter and he's trying to help by touch alone.

Mike's movements are anything but careful when breaks against him. His whole body deflating as he's bringing his arms around Harvey, pulling him into a hug. He buries his head against the other man's shoulder, drinking from the feeling of being held like this as if he was a drowning man. 

Harvey keeps holding on to him, keeps Mike as close as possible. There's a knock on the door and someone shouting to get in, but even that doesn't break their moment. 

In a minute, they will open the door and leave this room and they will be Harvey Specter and Mike Ross again, lawyer and investment banker, opponents. So Mike savors this precious minute as if it’s all they ever gonna get, his head against Harvey's shoulder, his arms strong around him. 

He can almost see himself standing there as if he's somewhere outside his body, and he sees two men hugging, tighter and more desperate than they probably should.

"Let's go," Harvey whispers and slowly lets go of Mike.


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donna hears more than she ever wanted to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> set during 4.06 "Litt the Hell Up"

The minute Harvey walks through the door of his office and sees Mike sitting on his couch, Donna can feel the air being pushed out of her. It's a crushing weight, dirty and thick, settling in her chest and pressing right down. 

It’s not something particular. Not words being spoken, not glances being shared. It’s how the air changes the second Mike and Harvey are near each other.

Donna glances over to Harvey closing the door and throwing her an angry look and she wonders if they can feel it as much as she does. If they know how toxic the air around them gets when they're fighting.

She picks up the phone and presses it to her ear. 

"What are you doing here?" Harvey doesn't even look at Mike. After the meeting earlier today with Sanders and with Mike blowing up the deal, Donna is grateful Harvey's even speaking to him.

"Picking up Rachel." Mike’s not looking at Harvey either.

"She's gonna need another half hour."

"I know. Donna told me already. I can wait."

From the corner of her eye, Donna sees Harvey turning around at that. "In my office." He makes it sound as if that is the most illogical thing Mike could have said.

"Donna also told me I should wait here so I wouldn't run into Luis or anyone else who might have a problem with me being here."

It’s not really how Donna had put it but Mike’s a clever boy and Donna has to fight a smile. 

"And she thought I wasn't one of those people? We both know Donna never makes mistakes like that."

Donna watches Mike finally looking up at Harvey. "We both know she doesn't."

Donna’s phone rings and she curses under her breath, it quick to pick up and deal with the caller (a client wanting to talk to Harvey; it can wait) and then she continues to listen to whatever is going on in the other room.

"You know, there's something I can't figure out,” Harvey says.

"Yeah, what's that?"

"Did you make me chose you over Logan Sanders because of you or because of Rachel?"

"Excuse me?" Mike is really good at pretending to be surprised and hurt, but that’s not good enough to fool Donna.

Or Harvey. "Don't play me, Mike. And don't lie to me. Did you make me choose so you would know if I chose you over him? Or did everyone know I would so you used that to get rid of Rachel's ex-boyfriend?"

Donna is biting her lip in anticipation, it's not like Harvey's the only one asking himself that. But an answer never comes.

"Thought so." Harvey sounds disappointed. 

"It was a win-win." Mike’s voice is lower now, he almost sounds shy, guilty.

"Mike, get out of my office."

Donna glances through the glass, but Mike’s not making any indication that he’s going to leave.

"Don't be angry at me."

"Mike, the last few weeks we've never been anything _but_ angry at each other! Ever since... "

"Why do you always think everything has to do with this goddamn kiss, Harvey?” Donna startles at her desk, Mike hissing the words they're almost hurting her ear. His voice is growing louder and angrier with every word and Donna's heartrate picks up because that’s exactly the second she can spot Rachel walking up to them. 

“Yes, I don't like it that Rachel's working with her ex-boyfriend with who she had a secret affair with and yes, I hate that we're at each other's throats all the time! So what's the damn problem? I saw a way out for all of us and I took it!"

Donna pushes the button and talks directly into the room, her voice as controlled and innocent as ever. "Mike, Rachel's done."

It silences the men immediately, both turning to her, guilty expressions on their faces.

Donna's ready to put the phone down when she hears Harvey’s last words, whispered, just between him and Mike. " _That_ goddamn kiss? Which one, Mike?"

It feels like a kick to her stomach. Her mouth suddenly dry, she manages to throw Rachel and Mike a smile when they leave, but that’s where her composure ends.

Her fingers are shaking. She watches them holding a pen and she can’t believe what this is doing to her. All those secrets. And she’s standing right in the middle of it.

Donna takes a long, deep breath and leaves her desk, walking right into Harvey’s office, closing the door. Her hand doesn’t quite leave the door knob; her legs feel unsteady enough that she has to hold on to something.

"You remember when I said not to do anything about Mike?"

Harvey studies something on his desk but she doesn’t need to see his eyes to know how bad he’s feeling right now. "I heard you the last time, Donna, and the way this is going, we're going to start hating each other soon enough, so don't worry."

"I was wrong." Saying it out loud makes her realize just how much.

"What?"

"Harvey, forget about the case for a second, forget about Logan Sanders." She pauses. "Forget about Rachel. If you're in love with Mike, you should do something about it."

Harvey is silent for a long time. "Why the change of heart?"

Donna shakes her head. “It’s not a change of heart. Not really. I will hold your hand and tell you to follow your heart and fight for what you want the same way I’ll hold Rachel’s hand and tell her the same thing if she ever needs me to.”

Harvey nods slowly.

“But I realized something.”

“What is that?”

"It's not just that you're miserable without him." Donna counts it as a sign of just how miserable Harvey is that he doesn’t say anything about her comment. "He's also a mess without you. And I can’t be the judge of who he should be with."

"How much did you just hear?"

There’s a lump forming in Donna’s throat and she swallows hard to keep it away. "Enough to know that I'm done knowing all these secrets the people I love are keeping from each other:"


	7. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night Mike spends at Harvey's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> set during 4.07 "We're done"

It’s later. There’s a build-in clock in the oven he could easily see from his spot on the floor next to couch he’s not able to sleep on. But he doesn’t need to know it’s the middle of the night. Almost morning. 

No matter how much he wants it, this horrific day is not ending and he can’t even sleep to make it go faster.

He sips at his fourth (or fifth?) glass of whiskey when the light from Harvey’s bedroom illuminates the floor in the other corner of the room. Harvey doesn’t look like he’s been having trouble sleeping, his hair a little messy, his eyes half-closed, his face not as perfect as Mike remembers it being in daylight.

Mike lets himself look. Doesn’t push anything away, doesn’t suppress. Because it’s the middle of the night and he’s been sitting on Harvey’s floor for hours unable to sleep and because Rachel’s been kissing that goddamn son-of-a-bitch Logan Sanders.

So when Harvey walks into the room, his naked feet making a weirdly comforting sound on the hardwood floor, Mike looks.   
Harvey’s wearing shorts and a white t-shirt. He looks more human like this, sleepy and unguarded. Approachable.

Mike swallows as his mouth is suddenly dry and his heart is beating a little faster.

It’s too late to deny that Mike wants desperately to walk over to him, bury himself deep into that white shirt and breathe the other man in. He wants to get a taste of that soft looking skin, wants to feel the warmth underneath his hands. 

Mike can see himself doing it. He can imagine what it would feel like, how Harvey would look at him, only slowly realizing what was happening. But then Harvey would let him, would encourage him. Harvey would want to push him away, would want to let his pride win over his wants but they both know there are things more important than Harvey Specter’s pride.

Mike licks his lips, taking a deep breath, when he truly realizes that he himself is one of those things.

Harvey shuffles into the room, taking a glass of water from the kitchen and silently walks over to where Mike is sitting on the floor, resting against a wall. He let’s himself slide down next to Mike, their arms almost touching, and with his eyes not even really open yet, he hands Mike the glass of water.

“Drink,” Harvey orders, his voice low and rough, running right through Mike’s body like a shiver.

Mike obeys and switches the whiskey glass for the water.

“You should go back to bed,” Mike says. “We don’t need both to stay up.”

“Yeah, couldn’t sleep.”

Mike laughs at that, and the sound is almost loud in his own ears. “Liar.”

Mike watches Harvey grin and something that’s been dancing through his head all night is finally settling down.

“I love Rachel.” Mike lets the words fall in the small space between them. Harvey next to him nods.

“But you were there first.” Harvey raises his eyebrow, throwing Mike a disbelieving look, but it’s news to Mike too. Or at least it was up until a few hours ago.

“Harvey, I love you.” Mike pauses, looking for the right words. “I don’t know what it means beyond just that, but it’s true and I want you to know it.”

They’re looking at each other, sitting against a wall in darkness only illuminated by the light from Harvey’s bedroom and the lights from outside the windows. They’re in that bubble again, the one Mike’s been desperate to flee into back in the restaurant.  
Harvey’s staring at him.

“I know we never talked about it. I mean we fought, we screamed, but we never really talked about why you kissed me and why I didn’t push you back.”

Harvey looks away first, resting his head against the wall, looking towards the ceiling. “You want me to say it?” It comes out hesitant.

“Harvey, I don’t need you to. I know.” He watches Harvey close his eyes, as if even hearing Mike talk about it is enough to scare the hell out of him.

“It just… .“ Now it’s Mike’s turn to look away, to look for answers in the darkness above them. “It doesn’t really change anything. There’s still Rachel, there’s still all that… crap that I feel for her, all that history we have, all that life together. As much as I hate what she did I can’t imagine myself not … .”

“Mike,” Harvey stops him. “It’s okay.” When Mike looks at him, he can see that he means it. “It’s okay.”

Mike nods, letting out a breath he’s been holding probably all night. 

They’re quit for a while. Neither says a word but it’s a comfortable silence. Mike can feel Harvey next to him, his strong presence, like an anchor Mike can hold on to.

“Alright, let’s get back to bed,” Harvey finally says. 

Mike turns towards him, mouth open to reply, when Harvey leans over and presses a kiss to Mike’s head.

It’s a simple gesture, caring and intimate, but it’s Harvey doing it and it steals the words right out of Mike’s mouth.

Harvey gets up as if nothing had happened, making his way back to his bedroom, and Mike wonders if there’s more of this side of Harvey. The affectionate Harvey, the guy who makes small gestures, who casually touches when he feels like it. 

“Good night, Mike,” Harvey mumbles, probably already half asleep again.

“Good night,” Mike says, savoring the warm feeling that’s spreading inside his chest.

 

Later, just before Mike is finally able to fall asleep, he's able to admit to himself that as much as he hates what Rachel did, it's nothing against what Mike and Harvey are doing. And Mike silently thanks Harvey for never bringing that up between them.


End file.
